I am just sitting here, drinking coffee and reading the Word, when I stumble upon another crazy story about the Israelites. Sitting here reading, all I can think is how silly they seem. Here is a group of people who have seen miracles from God personally, and yet they can’t seem to get a grip and follow Him.
All I can think is, “What’s the deal guys? Get it together.”
I feel like we always make fun of the Israelites from the Bible. I am always so amazed at how “God’s Chosen People” consistantly forget and rebel against God. Always forgetting what the Lord did just a few years, or even days ago.
But honestly, I am the epitome of those Israelites. As soon as God is silent, for even a second, I lose it. I feel like I am in a desert, wandering…. waiting for SOMETHING to come across the horizon. I start to doubt my faith, I doubt the faith of others, I lose sight of who I am. I lose sight of who I am supposed to be.
Major life events that have happened recently have brought so many crazy emotions. Nostalgia, guilt, and fear just to name a few. Nostalgic about how fast time has gone and remembering how things were when they first began… Guilty because I feel that the wedding overshadows the accomplishments of others… Fear of not having what Mr. Yell and I need to begin our lives together. So many negative emotions… and they can easily take over my joy. I find myself getting short or impatient with others. I feel bitter about others who seem to have a perfect life from what I can see.
It becomes too much.
And it is TOO MUCH.
As a believer and lover of Christ, I am not even supposed to give fear and guilt a second thought. I should laugh at the future WITHOUT fear. I should be thankful for the present and let God work. Guilt is something that weighs me down. Yes, the wedding is around the same time as these graduation ceremonies, but as long as I am joyful and do my best to encourage and make my grads feel special, there is no need for guilt to enter my mind or heart.
At times like this, those words are very hard to remember. Desert places are dry, lonely, and hard… And while there is an oasis, it is small, just enought to keep only me going.
That may seem like a bad thing, but I need to remember that the oasis is made just for me. It is private and peaceful. A place for me to refresh and wait.
So my mantra and my thoughts are on 1 Timothy 3:11 today (I literally wrote it on my arm…). It talks about how a wife of a deacon should be, but I feel that this can be for any woman in danger of letting negative feelings over take her.
She should be worthy of respect, not a malice talker; but instead be temperate and trustworthy.
When I allow these negative emotions to consume me, I am not worthy of respect. My bitterness hurts people through gossip, and I lose trust and gentleness because of it. Instead, I need to remember what hope feels like… and what trusting God means in my life. While this is a frustrating thing for me to witness, God is always kind, gentle, and forgiving just waiting for me to remember Him.
What is hurting you? How can you change it? Can you help someone else feel less hurt or bitter?