Honestly, this part of marriage has so far been the hardest for me. I never thought I would be so emotional, heartbroken, or struggle with this particular act.
Changing my last name.
Crazy, right? I mean, there I was, marrying the man of my dreams; and yet I could not bring myself to take his name.
This wasn’t a struggle before we were married. I was so excited to get all the cute decor with our letter “Y” on them and hearing my friends call me the “Future Mrs. Yell”, and yet when I got married I was so upset that I would have to change my last name.
My whole identity up to that point had been just about me. All of my accomplishments had “Chelsea Hoskins” on them. My passport with all of my travels and adventures had “Chelsea Hoskins” on it. My diplomas, scholarships, important or impressive papers…. they all had “Chelsea Hoskins” on them.
That was me. Without MY name, how would people know what I did or who I was? I was scared of losing myself.
I didn’t want people to hear my name or see me and not think of me, but instead that I was just a wife. I did not want to lose my independent achievements for the sake of a title.
In this way, changing my name felt like the loss of a person. I was grieving over the loss of myself.
In a way… it was.
But in a more important way… it wasn’t.
I did not LOSE my name, my accomplishments, or myself. These labels were not TAKEN from me.
I gave them up.
I made the CHOICE to not just become one with my husband by the marriage license, but legally with a new title.
When I was on my own, I was ready to take the world by storm on my own. Truly a Miss. Independent, and I wanted it to stay that way. Now I have the coolest person in the world that I get to travel, learn, and do life with… and I want to be associated with him by whatever means possible. Including my last name. I get to tell people as soon as they meet me that I am with that cute, honorable man Mr. Yell.
So, not only am I slowly learning how to sign my new name, I am learning how to give up some pride, and a little bit of ego. And friends, can I just say it is absolutely worth it? Because, it absolutely is.
Be encouraged ladies.
Much love. Much grace.