Failure.

The first week of No Fear November was much harder than I expected. For some reason I thought that overcoming my fears and insecurities would be easy, but the whole reason why my fears and insecurities even exist is because they are hard to overcome.

These past couple of weeks I have been trying to tackle the biggest fear I have:

 Failure.

I have been wanting to try a yoga class in our local area for sometime now months, but I never could get the motivation to go.

I always thought I was just being lazy, since this class starts at 6 am and goes for a full hour. As the day drew near to go, I became anxious and began dreading my decision to go.

“What if I am not as good as everyone else there?”

“What if I can’t do even the basic moves?”

“What if I fall over or hurt myself?”

“What if I find out that I just can’t do yoga at all?”

So on the day of the class I woke up at 5:15 am… and promptly decided I would not be going to the yoga class.

Later that week, I began to realize that I was not being lazy, or just making excuses, I was genuinely scared of looking silly in front of others. During a class I had never taken. For an activity that I have been trying to do on my own for months, but know I need help with. 

This fear caused me to go a full week and a half without trying the yoga class. I couldn’t seem to get the courage to go.

I began thinking about what I was missing out on. The opportunity to hone or learn my skill, possible new friendships, and making the choice to be healthy by taking care of my body. I was missing out on all of these wonderful things, just for a few “What if’s” that honestly don’t matter.

So what if I am not as good as everyone else? I am just beginning the class and it has been happening for about a month and a half.

So what if I can’t do the basic moves? If I can’t do the basic ones, then I have been learning the wrong way to do them and need to learn the right way so I don’t injure myself.

Really? Falling over? Come on girl.

If I find out I am actually not good at yoga, then that frees up my time to find a different health activity that I can do.

While these were all valid questions in my head, asking them out loud and then actually answering them gave me the power to overcome, at the very least, these questions. 

By not even trying the yoga class, I had already failed. I did yoga at home that morning when I skipped the class, but was still unsure of certain poses and it was only for a quick 10 minutes, like every morning. By skipping the class, I was missing so much and causing myself to fail. I was creating my own cycle of fear.

I was missing so much and causing myself to fail. I was creating my own cycle of fear.

The first week of November went by, and I had yet to try a yoga class; until I found a studio in my area that had a community class during the evening. I chose this class because there was no longer the excuse of needing sleep or being in a rush. I could go at 7pm and enjoy the class; without excuse.

So this past Tuesday I went to the class! Can I just say that it was the best decision ever? Because it was definitely wonderful.

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Everyone was so kind and excited to be there doing yoga. Since this class was a “Community Class” there were people who were of all levels and ages, even some who had never even attempted yoga before.

I was able to get the help I needed for certain poses, have a focused yoga practice for a full hour (instead of a mild practice at home), and I met different people who I would love to know better.

Each one of my worries that built this fear was utterly debunked. I now know that I enjoyed yoga in a studio and can’t wait to go again. Not only that, but I conquered my fear. I tried every pose, even if I had never attempted it before, and did the best that I could. Even with the risk of failure, I still participated in the full class; and had such fun in doing so.

I am so proud of myself for doing this! Little baby steps are leading me down a path with less fear and worries. By turning over these little things to God and allowing change to overcome these fears, it makes the bigger things seem less intimidating.

Are there any fears you are overcoming this month? How are you accomplishing your goal?

Much love. Much grace.

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