It’s so crazy to me that Mr. Yell and I have been married for a full year already!
In one way, the time has flown quickly; in another way, the time has moved slowly. Not slowly in a bad way, but in a way that makes our marriage feel like it has always been a part of each of us. It’s hard to remember a time when Mr. Yell and I weren’t together, and I am so thankful.
This first year of marriage has been full of lessons in our lives; both individually and as a couple. We have dealt with my school issues, the exciting times of “firsts”, and learning how to blend our families together. Like I said, I have learned so much, but today I want to share just a few of the things I learned.
Communication is HARD.
A while back, I wrote a blog post about communication, and how I thought I was good at it… until I got married of course! I have a really hard time sharing my emotions (because I have a ridiculous amount, let’s be real) and that has taken a toll on how Mr. Yell and I communicate. If I don’t share what is wrong, the situation becomes way worse and my husband remains clueless. Communicating on a more transparent level is something I am still working on and I have to put forth an effort everyday.
There is no such thing as giving 50/50.
Really, there is no such thing. I’ve even heard about how a relationship is 100/100, about giving all that you have all the time, and that isn’t true either. This past year has been one of the hardest personally and I couldn’t give near my best to my new marriage. I was struggling enough to keep myself sane, let alone work on communication or other things. I am not proud of this, obviously, but this was were I was during our first year. So instead of giving 100%, I was only able to give about 40% and Mr. Yell had to pick up the slack. And there will be times in the future when I will have to give way more than planned when Mr. Yell needs me too. That is what our partnership and a relationship does.
Love really does grow deeper.
“I love him more and more each day” Blah, Blah, Blah… I know what you are thinking, “How cliche.” and to that I just have to say… YEAH. Because this is one of the truest and hardest things to explain. I thought I loved Mr. Yell on our wedding day, on our engagement day, and when we first told each other that we loved the other person; but that doesn’t even compare to how much I love that man today, in this very second. I don’t know how to explain it, and I don’t think anyone does, but it is the most real love. No matter how irrational I am or tired he becomes, I love him more and more and he loves me more and more each day.
It’s TOTALLY worth the effort.
I know, I know… “The first year is the easiest! Of course you think you’ll be together forever!” Can I just say, I really hope this year wasn’t the “easiest”? It was so hard with all the outside issues that we had to deal with. There are times when quitting seems like the easiest option. I get it. Commitment is a dying ideal, and it’s something that Mr. Yell and I vowed to fight against EACH DAY. Divorce it isn’t an option. NOT AT ALL. We don’t even say the word in our home. We firmly believe that the reason we are together in the first place is because we make a much better team together than we ever could apart. We believe that God brought us together for His glory to be shown, and divorce doesn’t glorify God in our relationship. We promised the Lord, and those present in the ceremony, that commitment was worth our effort. Mr. Yell and I are fighting the battle of non-commitment in a world where almost nothing is worth the fight… and it is something we will fight for everyday in our marriage.
Like I said previously, these are only a few things I have learned. If I could go back to the night before my wedding, these are the things I would tell myself. These are the things that I found so important during my first year, and I can’t wait to see what this second year holds for us!
Is there any newlywed advice you wish you had? Something you wish you would have known before your first year of marriage? Let me know by email or commenting!
Much love. Much grace.