For The Girl Who Is Hurting

Such pain. Such agony.

The shame, the betrayal, the overwhelming sadness.

You feel like happiness is so far away. Too far. How could you be normal again… let alone happy?

I know you. You feel that your trust has been misplaced; your feel stupid and naive. You vow to never give such a gift like that again. Whether that gift was: trust, love, friendship, or loyalty, it doesn’t matter. You won’t repeat your disastrous mistake.

You think, “How could I be so foolish to think that I was worth anything better than what happened to me? What made me think that I, of all people, was worth any effort, love, or time?

You smile just to get by when you see people in the street or when you meet with others for coffee. They ask, “How are you doing?” and you reply with a simple “Just fine!”… Even though you know it’s a lie.

You can’t remember what feeling fine even means… You are hurt, broken, and emotionally devestated.

I know you. Because I was you.

The girl who is so broken she feels far beyond repair. The girl who is so full of sadness she feels a weight when she tries to breathe. The girl who is fearful of people, of opening up her heart and soul to another person… and vows to never let herself feel this pain again.

It took me a long time of suffering and hurt but eventually I found something that changed my life. Something that turned my fear and sadness into life.

To the GirlHurting. (1)

I found hope.

Not a boyfriend. Not a husband. Not a best friend. Not a degree. Not a life of success.

HOPE.

Hope that eventually I would love again. Hope in a bright future where I could help people. Hope in a day when I was finally healed. Hope that in one day soon… I would remember what “fine” actually is.

This hope does not come from my inner-light. It does not come from graduating from college or being successful. It does not come from meditating, or from  being a “good person”. This hope is different.

This hope comes from my faith in Jesus Christ. That He died for me, for all of my hurts, mistrusts, and wrongdoings. He died a death that He did not deserve, one that was intended for me. Jesus not only died for me… but He was resurrected and actually loves me. He loves me. He loves the hurt high school girl who endured an abusive relationship. He loves the broken girl who was once full of fire and passion that was then trampled by others. He loves the bitter, angry, sad girl who longed to be pulled from apathy and loneliness. Christ loves her. And He loves you too.

He loves you in a way that no one else will, not even yourself. He loves you more than the universe can show you in “light” or “beauty”. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend… no matter how often you meditate or work to help others. Nothing you can do could make Him love you, because He already does.

To the GirlHurting.

At times I still feel like that broken girl. At times I feel the pain, and can’t explain why. At times I am beaten down with feelings of worthlessness. But during those times, I know I have that hope in Christ, and that I am not worthless… but loved.

So to the girl who is hurting… you are not alone. You are loved. So deeply. You can know this love by accepting it. You can choose to accept this hope, just by believing in Jesus and all he has done. He desires to know you, and to be known by you.

Much love. Much grace.

wpid-2015-10-30-20.27.24.png.png


John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 8:37-39 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Ephesians 2:4-5 – But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, evenwhen we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved …

Romans 5:8 – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

1 Peter 5:6-7 – Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Psalm 86:15 – But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.


 

Needing Contentment

“I just want to see you content”

Seven words. Words that cut me to the core, and yet are loving at the same time. A phrase that says, “hey, I not only care about you, but I want to see you happy where you are and with what you have.”

But that word… Content… it is just so foreign.

I need more. More time. More money. More friends. More sucess. More adventures.

“Content” and “more” don’t go together. A person can’t live with both.

image

I have been struggling with wanting to go to a new place to live for a while now. With marrying Mr. Yell and seeing most of our friends leave, it has been very hard to stay in our small town. I have been angry, jealous, and hurt; with myself for graduating late, and with God for not taking us to another place. He has been silent for almost a year now; and that has been the hardest thing to experience.

Then just this week my husband said something that woke me up. It made me rethink this past year’s emotions, complications, and stress.

“I just want to see you content.”

That’s it. That was the moment I realized that maybe, God wasn’t silent, at least not at first. Instead of listening to what He wanted me to do, I have been trying to push myself to do things that I feel I need to do. Things that will make me likable, smarter, or bring my life more meaning. I have been trying to make my life “better”, when instead I just  needed to learn how to be content.

Contentment is hard, guys. So hard. It is very hard to live in a world that is built on comparing ourselves to others and yet seek contentment. It is hard to see people in your same place in life who seem like they are doing it all, or that they are more likeable or needed or whatever. But can I just say that finding a way to be content is just so much better?

Even if you aren’t a believer in Christ, I challenge you just to take this week and find ways not to want more.  I want you to think about the things and people you have, and I want you to think everyday that you have enough. That you are fine where you are, and that the desire for more is not needed. For me, this is made infinitely easier when I remember that my relationship with God is all I need. I can lose everything and still know that He is good. He is enough.

This year has been rough, that is for sure. But this week has been the best week I have had in such a long time just on the basis of seeking contentment. I am learning, like I am sure much of you are, that I am pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough, loved enough, and happy enough.

I am doing my best to help those in need and make the part of the world I am in a brighter place to be. And that thought can only come from being content.

image

Friends, are you content? If it means anything… I not only think you can be, but I want to see that happen for you.

Much love. Much grace.

image

Little Things

Life is hard.

There is no doubt about it. Sometimes it feels like life is not just handing you lemons, but continually slapping you with those lemons… in the face… for no reason.

At least that is how it has been feeling for me for about a month now. I have had so many issues with my schooling, emotions, and just finding joy in general. I have just been feeling like I was being continually washed in sadness, despair, and hopelessness. There was no end in sight, no reason to be positive or optimistic. Basically, I was “Sadness” from the new movie Inside Out… (like, you-will-have-to-drag-me-everywhere sadness.) 

Not a pretty mental picture.

But you know what… there are so many other things to be than sad. So many more places to be, people to greet, and things to be thankful for.

image

In honor of life’s disappointments (not just mine, but maybe your’s too?) I’ve made a list of all the great things in life. Maybe not all, but four sounds like a great place to start. So be sure to enjoy:

Life’s Little Goodies

1.) I am alive.
        Honestly, you and I are both breathing and our hearts are beating right now. This moment you are having thoughts and living a life (even if you don’t think your life is great.. it’s yours.) We are in this together. I want love and acceptance, and I am betting that you do to. These are facts that we are alive and conscious of our desires and that we have a life to live at this moment. Take a minute and just breathe. Feel your heartbeat and feel thankful for this life.

2.) I can read.
       And yay! So can you! We are the select few in the world who can read about people, events, and emotions. We can interpret squiggles that create stories of adventure or information about the world we live in. Reading helps us to be informed, empathetic, and help those in need. Without the basis of reading, we would be so limited in what we can do to encourage, love, or help others.

3.) I have necessities.
     I not only have water, but food and shelter. No, it’s not a pinterest house and I am not the best at creating art from the food I make, but I am well cared for in all of these physical needs. Not everyone has these things, even in the United States. In fact, about 633,782 people in 2012 were found to be homeless (US Department of Housing and Urban Development) and 17.5 million households are food insecure (Coleman-Jensen 2014b, p1.). This isn’t even the poverty number. Poverty in the United States as of 2013 went up to 45.3 million people…. So to be thankful for the necessities is a big deal.
If you find yourself in need please let me know.

4.) I am so very loved.
    Friends. Please know that you are very deeply loved. I haven’t met you, but know that I love you and want to encourage you to keep going! This life is so hard, but it feels infinitely harder when you feel alone. Know that you are not alone, we are all in this together. While some may want you to fail, or if it just seems that way, others are rooting for you. We want you to do your best and live your best life. You are so loved!

While that may not seem like much… at this moment I know that I am going to make it. I have these four things to get me through.

One more thing, even if you don’t believe in God, I just find these words to be so encouraging:

“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will praise Him, my Savior, my God”
Psalm 42:5

I love you all so much. Be encouraged.

Much love. Much grace.

image