Such pain. Such agony.
The shame, the betrayal, the overwhelming sadness.
You feel like happiness is so far away. Too far. How could you be normal again… let alone happy?
I know you. You feel that your trust has been misplaced; your feel stupid and naive. You vow to never give such a gift like that again. Whether that gift was: trust, love, friendship, or loyalty, it doesn’t matter. You won’t repeat your disastrous mistake.
You think, “How could I be so foolish to think that I was worth anything better than what happened to me? What made me think that I, of all people, was worth any effort, love, or time?“
You smile just to get by when you see people in the street or when you meet with others for coffee. They ask, “How are you doing?” and you reply with a simple “Just fine!”… Even though you know it’s a lie.
You can’t remember what feeling fine even means… You are hurt, broken, and emotionally devestated.
I know you. Because I was you.
The girl who is so broken she feels far beyond repair. The girl who is so full of sadness she feels a weight when she tries to breathe. The girl who is fearful of people, of opening up her heart and soul to another person… and vows to never let herself feel this pain again.
It took me a long time of suffering and hurt but eventually I found something that changed my life. Something that turned my fear and sadness into life.
I found hope.
Not a boyfriend. Not a husband. Not a best friend. Not a degree. Not a life of success.
Hope that eventually I would love again. Hope in a bright future where I could help people. Hope in a day when I was finally healed. Hope that in one day soon… I would remember what “fine” actually is.
This hope does not come from my inner-light. It does not come from graduating from college or being successful. It does not come from meditating, or from being a “good person”. This hope is different.
This hope comes from my faith in Jesus Christ. That He died for me, for all of my hurts, mistrusts, and wrongdoings. He died a death that He did not deserve, one that was intended for me. Jesus not only died for me… but He was resurrected and actually loves me. He loves me. He loves the hurt high school girl who endured an abusive relationship. He loves the broken girl who was once full of fire and passion that was then trampled by others. He loves the bitter, angry, sad girl who longed to be pulled from apathy and loneliness. Christ loves her. And He loves you too.
He loves you in a way that no one else will, not even yourself. He loves you more than the universe can show you in “light” or “beauty”. He loves you more than you can ever comprehend… no matter how often you meditate or work to help others. Nothing you can do could make Him love you, because He already does.
At times I still feel like that broken girl. At times I feel the pain, and can’t explain why. At times I am beaten down with feelings of worthlessness. But during those times, I know I have that hope in Christ, and that I am not worthless… but loved.
So to the girl who is hurting… you are not alone. You are loved. So deeply. You can know this love by accepting it. You can choose to accept this hope, just by believing in Jesus and all he has done. He desires to know you, and to be known by you.
Much love. Much grace.
John 3:16 – For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 8:37-39 – No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Ephesians 2:4-5 – But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, evenwhen we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved …
Romans 5:8 – but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Zephaniah 3:17 – The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.
1 Peter 5:6-7 – Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Psalm 86:15 – But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.